So, my new laptop?

The parallel port doesn't work. The ethernet is extremely sluggish at best. The TCP/IP doesn't work at all.

Needless to say, this is unacceptable.

So, tomorrow I get to call the place I ordered it from and inform them of these things, and that I want a laptop that works - or else I want my money back then find out the specifics of their return/exchange policy (in case lostsatyr can't make it work).

EDIT: Discovered it has a 6-month warranty, so we're OK as far as that goes. Still not happy about it not working, though.